Jumat, 28 April 2023

28 April 2023

I had a bad experience when I sat in Junior High School, of course, my quiet character has been a problem to most of the people around me, actually my teachers and classmates. They didn't like a person who was too quiet like me. I was too weirdo. I didn't have any friends, and when there was a group to do a task, I didn't have a group. Just alone. 

And this night, this experience emerged. I joined a general class, and because I didn't say anything, the teacher and the classmates didn't recognize my existence. I was exist, but at the same time I was not. Did it hurt me? Ya, I was so sad about that. But, then I think, why did I hope something which I didn't make an effort? This is the rule of life. I understand and I didn't feel sad anymore.

But I want to tell something too about the cruel fact about this, if you don't show them if you exist, and then you become nothing, and if you receive it, then it's okay. Nothing and no one can hurt you, except your own expectation. As Bo said, lower your expectation is the best.

Kamis, 13 April 2023

13 April 2023

Just to be conscious about what Q-Man's said one day in his class:

The condition is bad, but life must go on. 

You can not get everything you want.

Senin, 10 April 2023

10 April 2023

Studying to be a good farmer, I think that's good. This a great job to fight for the major system, haha. I have a good idea for my future in old age. I have not been feeling afraid to be hungry again. I will plant strawberries, grapes, beans, potatoes, carrots, etc. Wow, that's really cool!!! He-he. I will retire as a good farmer. If I have a lot of money, I will buy a land. And, if I were not working at the company, I would plant vegetables and fruits. Ya, I wanna try it God. I would have moved to Japan if they had offered me a job to be a farmer.

Selasa, 04 April 2023

Rules

1. Exercise to say no, because it protects your privacy and their privacy.

2. Don't take it too personally.

3. Happiness is freedom.

4. I feel happy when I do nothing.

5. Priority is about management.

6. Love what you do, do what you love.

Senin, 03 April 2023

Not Victim Anymore

Everytime you feel that you are a victim, everytime you will feel the misery. 

Thanks Boy Pablo.



I am prepared

I have to prepare for anything

I am ready to prepare

I am prepared

A prepared person

What was I waiting for?

What a sick feeling

To take it personally

Let it go, let it go

I am prepared


April 3rd, 2023

The Cemetery of Dreams

I woke up, the restless feeling wrapped me up. I was lazy to continue my day, I just want to sleep for long time and I didn't want to see anyone. But, the world never gives you a chance just to break right, doesn't it? I thought then, I played in my cemetery of dreams, alone and crying. 

Every day, I dig in the ground to cement my little dream, until nothing I have. Did you ever feel the sense of (like Akeboshi's song) "so many places, so many ways, there's no way home, no way I belong"? This is why I engage with Akeboshi's music, because he can describe my feeling better.

And after that, I want to save my private life. It's okay I don't have anyone, every time I through it successfully. Please God, only it is my privilege, to save my life only for myself. I have been tired God. 

I want to grow my dream, to live in abroad, far away from Indonesia. Go to Japan, or Norway, or UK, it will be better. But, it's stupid, just a panasea. Far away from people, ya, maybe. Haha. I am sad, as always.

But, thanks for Boy Pablo for this funny song, it has made me so much better:

Hey girl, it's the first timeI've looked at somebody like thisHey girl, I'm so nervousYou look so fine, you make me shiver like crazy
 
Say you want me nowI am scared as hellYeah, I don't even know if you are nervousI can't tell
 Say you love me nowPlease, I'm scared as hellI've never been in love beforeI don't know what to do
 
Hey girl, do you like me?I guess that's a stupid ass questionI'm asking 'cause I'm nervousYou look so fine, you make me shiver, oh
 
Say you want me now'Cause I am scared as hellYeah, I don't even know if you are nervousI can't tell
 Say you love me nowPlease, I'm scared as hellI've never been in love beforeI don't know what to do
 
¡Vamos!
 
Say you want me now'Cause I am scared as hellYeah, I don't even know if you are nervousI can't tell
 Say you love me nowPlease, I'm scared as hellI've never been in love beforeI don't know what to do