I'm Mature Too Late

When I walked from my lodge (Jl. Dewi Sartika) to Sam Poo Kong, I looked many things about society. Especially I was looking at the informal worker in the street. Man who take bamboo in his shoulder; man who sold newspaper in traffic jam without slipper on his foot (you know, here's Semarang, where many suns) and he was disability; a woman  with her daughter sold newspaper too along bridge (wherein under bridge there is river or one day it is sea, where Sam Poo Kong's ship sailed there). I think, whether life to be fair from them? How these bastard structures and systems made them like that? They're not lazy, nor rebel to the fucking capitalist who stole their added value.

You know that poverty is inheritance?  A kid, who born in a poor family will be poor for a long time? And they lose many good opportunities. And how this system makes poor mentality too. They lose their confidence, spirit to study and learn. How damn! Eternal poverty because of greedy.

And God, I'm sorry, this morning I knew that I'm mature too late than my age. I don't know what's good or bad in my life. I don't know how to work effectively to increase productivity. I don't know if the economy is a very base and fundamental things to survive. I don't know how to communicate my problem to others. I don't how to make this society more good than before--even in little circumstance my family. I'm too shy (like "woman" did), I lose my confidence from I was a child. With all ideality, you're a success when you have money, you have a masterpiece like the books, you have a big house, you have many education attributes, and so on, and so on.

God, this truth that every day the story and history are born, but still the same messages.

So, I just sing: I didn't know I cared. There was something special in the air. Dreams are my reality, the only kind of real fantasy. Illusions are a common thing. I try to live in dreams. It seems as if it's meant to be...

I really mean to learn. How deep is, how deep....

Puisi "Stasiun Tawang" dan "Kota Lama"

Kota Lama

Kau serupa Mignonne, macan cantik ciptaan Honore de Balzac
Gairah di kota
Kucari-cari kawan di Taman Sri Gunting, seorang pengelana
Meski yang kutemui hanya merpati-merpati Gereja Blenduk,
dan para puan-tuan bergandengan

Kutanam harapan di tanahmu Kota Lama, saudara jauh Kota Tua
Sakit sama rasanya, entah di Jakarta atau Jogjakarta
Lalu kumengembara ke Semarang, mencari uang, tapi malah kurang
Di sini, tiket wisata semurah apa pun tak sanggup kubeli
Padahal kujadwalkan masuk galeri,
seni kontemporer yang bikin imajinasi tambah encer
Cukup juga dengan hanya melihat depan Spiegel dan Gedung Marba
Tanpa bisa masuk ke dalam

Cukup juga dengan hanya sebotol air mineral,
tak cukup buat bayar selera Serikat Dagang Kopi,
atau Filosofi Kopi atau Hero Coffee atau Coffee House lain
Tongkrongan anak muda masa kini

Juga tak sanggup membeli tahu gimbal dan tahu pong kenyal,
atau beli loenpia yang mungkin bisa mengurangi hidup seret,
juga Mie Kopyok, Nasi Koyor, atau sekadar pisang plenet

Sementara kesendirian dan kesepian tak terhindarkan
Orang-orang lalu lalang semakin tak membuat tenang
Diri tumbuh kian asing, di mana diri bahagiaku?

Aku telah jauh, perantauanku belum menghasilkan
Waktu sedikit, aku hanya berusaha bertahan dalam permainan
Oh, Semarang

Minggu, 20 Oktober 2019

Gedung Marba Semarang

Gereja Blenduk

Spiegel

 --

Stasiun Tawang

Tawang, sungguh jauh kau kukenang
Delapan tahun lalu sampai sekarang
Orangtua memintaku masuk sekolah kedinasan

Tawang, kau bukti aku selalu gagal berbeban,
dengan sakit setengah hidup aku tahan,
dan tak ada pelampiasan

Kini aku datang lagi, menikmati angin dan danaumu
Di hari Minggu, di mana revolusi meliburkan diri
Orang-orang memancing ikan-ikan kecil
Di air danaumu yang hijau gelap

Anak-anak berlari-lari ke barat bermain ayunan
Ada ibu berwajah keriput masih mengisi teka-teki silang
Seorang ibu paruh baya berpunggung bengkok duduk di sampingnya,
dengan sobek di pinggir celana, dia miskin dan stunting

Tawang, dukaku hari ini diledek Gambang Semarang
Kau paham Tawang, aku selalu merasa asing akan orang-orang
Delapan tahun sudah sejak kumenginjakkan kaki,
di sini hidupku tak pernah berganti
Aku bernyanyi:

"Miskin minta kaya, kaya minta uang
Uang minta kerja, kerja minta tenaga
Tenaga minta manusia, manusia minta sejahtera
Sejahtera punya penguasa."

Tawang, kau tempat istirahat para pengembara
Di mana harapan, cita-cita, dan hidup berjumpa
Juga tangis sedu perpisahan dan pertemuan,
tak saling memberi kabar

Minggu, 20 Oktober 219

Danau Tawang

Tawang